Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
