Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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