the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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