If i come over, it means nothing
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
