eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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