Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
