bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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