i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
