PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk is a universal language darling
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