I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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