I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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