also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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