I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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