Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
