Soap is not a condiment
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
