I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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