It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
