I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
