I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
