Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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