I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I could make wine with my vomit
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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