Tell her she can't have a vagina
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
