Cold hands, warm shart.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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