Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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