I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my being single is dangerous.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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