so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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