You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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