I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
