I showed him my bush... on skype.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
