For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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