dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
