Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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