I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
