woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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