I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
