So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
