Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
