I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
