then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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