I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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