The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
