Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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