Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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