i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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