From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
