ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
