I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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