I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
