Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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