When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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