so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have tasted many bathrooms
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
