I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize