Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
