She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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