His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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