She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
