this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
