Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
