i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
