the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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