A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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