Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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