Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
