I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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