So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
