She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
